Friday, February 28, 2020

When Insults Had Class…

These glorious insults are from an era “before” the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

? A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”
“That depends, Sir, ” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”

? “He had delusions of adequacy .” -Walter Kerr

? “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill

? “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” -Clarence Darrow

? “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” -William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

? “Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” -Moses Hadas

? “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” -Mark Twain

? “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” -Oscar Wilde

? “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.” -George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

? “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.” -Winston Churchill, in response

? “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” -Stephen Bishop

? “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” -John Bright

? “I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” -Irvin S. Cobb

? “He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” -Samuel Johnson

? “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating

? “In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” -Charles, Count Talleyrand

? “He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” Forrest Tucker

? “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” -Mark Twain

? “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” -Mae West

? “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” -Oscar Wilde

? “He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.” -Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

? “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” -Billy Wilder

? “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I’m afraid this wasn’t it.” -Groucho Marx

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