I'm just another plagiarist... pickin' at the blogs I haunt... pickin' up what I like... and think you might like too.
Thursday, October 27, 2016
Good Health in Saskatchewan
An 80-year-old Saskatchewan farmer goes to the clinic in Saskatoon for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, ‘How do you stay in such great physical condition?’
‘I’m from Saskatchewan and in my spare time I like to hunt and fish’ says the old guy, ‘and that’s why I’m In such good shape. I’m up well before daylight in the field plowing and mending fences and when I’m not doing that, I’m out hunting or fishing. In the evening, I have a beer and all is well.’
‘Well’ says the doctor, ‘I’m sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?’
‘Who said my father’s dead?’
The doctor is amazed. ‘You mean you’re 80 years old and your father’s still alive? How old is he?’ ‘He’s 100 years old,’ says the old Sask boy. ‘In fact he worked with and hunted with me this morning, and then we went to the topless bar for a while and had some beer and that’s why he’s still alive. He’s a Saskatchewan farmer and he’s a hunter and fisherman too.’
‘Well,’ the doctor says, ‘that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it than that. How about your father’s father? How old was he when he died?’
‘Who said my Grandpa’s dead?’
Stunned, the doctor asks, ‘you mean you’re 80 years old and your grandfather’s’ still alive?’
‘He’s 118 years old,’ says the man.
The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, ‘So, I guess he went hunting with you this morning too?’
‘No, Grandpa couldn’t go this morning because he’s getting married today.’
At this point the doctor is close to losing it. ‘Getting married!! Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?’
‘Who said he wanted to?’
Two old friends get together every ten years…
Two guys grow up together but after college one moves to NY other to California.
Every ten years they agree to meet in Chicago and play golf.
They finish their round at age 30 and go to lunch. “Where you wanna go?” “Hooters.” “Why?” “Well, you know, they got the broads, with the big racks, and the tight shorts. The legs…” “OK.”
Ten years later at 40 they play. “Where you wanna go?” “Hooters.” “Why?” “Well, you know, they got cold beer and the big screen TVs and everybody has a little action on the games.” “OK.”
Ten years later at 50 “Where you wanna go?” “Hooters.” “Why?” “The food is good and there is plenty of parking.” ”OK.”
At 60 “Where you wanna go?” “Hooters.” “Why?” “Wings are half price.” “OK”
At 70 “Where you wanna go?” “Hooters.” “Why?” “They have 6 handicapped spaces right by the door.” “OK.”
At 80 “Where you wanna go?” “Hooters.” “Why?” “We’ve never been there before.”
Hi Fred, this is Alan next door.
I have a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling you in text as I cannot live with myself a moment longer without you knowing.
The truth is I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you.
I haven't been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse, I know. The temptation was just too much.
I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me. It won't happen again. Please suggest a fee for usage, and I'll pay you.
Fred, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabbed his gun, and shot his neighbor dead.
He returned home where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa.
He took out his phone where he saw he had a second message from his neighbor.
THE SECOND MESSAGE
Hi Fred, This is Alan next door again. Sorry about the typo on my last text.
I expect you figured it out anyway and that you noticed that darned Auto-Correct changed "wi-fi" to "wife".