I'm just another plagiarist... pickin' at the blogs I haunt... pickin' up what I like... and think you might like too.
Wednesday, September 21, 2016
Food Spoilage Tips
Finally, a way to know what to pitch and what to save!
THE GAG TEST
Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers
from what you cooked for yourself last night).
When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the
egg is probably past its prime.
Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt
is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is
spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing
but spoiled milk anyway and can’t get any more spoiled than it is already.
Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is blue cheese but you realize
you’ve never purchased that kind.
If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the
mayonnaise is spoiled.
Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the
defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled – (or
wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.
This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away
perfectly good food so that you’ll spend more on groceries. Perhaps you’d
benefit by having a calender in your kitchen.
If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a
three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.
Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially
acceptable “spots” that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread.
Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are a good indication that
your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.
Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.
It never spoils.
It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal should be
discarded when it is two years or longer beyond the expiration date.
Bibb lettuce is spoiled when you can’t get it off the bottom
of the vegetable crisper without Comet. Romaine lettuce is spoiled when it
Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a
softball should be disposed of. Carefully.
A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.
Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.
Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy
If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the
floor, it has gone bad.
Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is an
old trick, but it only works if you live with someone or have a maid.
You know it is well beyond prime when you’re tempted to
discard the Tupperware along with the food. Generally speaking, Tupperware
containers should not burp when you open them.
GENERAL RULE OF THUMB
Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span
of a hamster. Keep a hamster in or nearby your refrigerator to gauge this.